you know, lately i've been having a really hard time with life. everything going on in my life just kept heaping on top of me and i finally just shut myself off and decided not to deal with things because in my eyes, not dealing with things was easier than trying to deal with things. i grew so numb inside and my ability to care flew south for the winter.
every now and then i'd have an okay day, or an okay moment, but for the most part things were just bad. this was affecting my holiday spirit (i had none.), relationships with certain people in my family and even some of my friends, and seriously making things just seem horrible.
over the past few days, i've been trying to asses the root of all the struggles in my life, and yesterday, i finally figured it out. (well... i already knew this all along, i was just too selfish and shut-off to realize it.) even though i have little or no control over the things that other people do to me, even though i hate my job and am seriously broke its not even funny anymore, even though people may be doing things that i can't deal with or don't agree with, there is one thing i can control that will alter how all of those things affect me. my attitude.
you see, everyone is struggling with things. i read posts like this where she describes almost exactly how i'm feeling inside and i realize how selfish and petty i'm acting. i'm not the only one with problems. i'm not the only one struggling. i'm not the only one that is sad and depressed and numb. there are hundreds of thousands of people out there with problems just like mine. some are even worse off than i am!
if i would just stop acting so woe-is-me and start having a better attitude about life, i know i'd be happier and even though my problems might not diminish right away, my positive perspective would help me deal with things better and not feel so helpless. my situations might not change, but i will be changed.
i believe that in being more positive and changing my attitude, i'll be more grateful for what i have therefore setting in to motion good things to come. and who doesn't want good things coming their way? i know i do. and so it is with that hope in mind, that beacon of light no matter how small it is, that i move forward in life with a refreshed outlook and a more positive attitude. and my life will be better because of it.
i just know it will.